Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
