1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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