Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well you can't waste a boner
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
