her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
