I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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