hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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