Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just google imaged poop.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
