i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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