Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
