If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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