man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
