I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
