just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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