I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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