Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
