Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
