I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were trust falling into bushes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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