When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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