genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
