Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
