Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
