Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
