I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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