Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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