he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
