when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
