as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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