This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
