dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
