So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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