So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize