Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize