i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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