When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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