Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
