Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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