Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
