worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
