Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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