Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
