Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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