the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have post one night stand depression
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize