I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
