he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
