He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you made out with another girl for some wings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
