checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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