I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
