does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
