I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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