But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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