ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
