...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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