I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
