I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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