i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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