Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
