I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
