hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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