Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
