I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
3pm strippers are depressing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you never un-have a 4some
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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