I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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