Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
