honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
