He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
