He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
