Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
