my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
