I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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