just tell him i said nine months
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
