Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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