I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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