That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
