Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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