Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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