you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
