Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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